#35 – Singapore Diaries part 1.

Every little thing I missed – and more – all in 43 days.

And finally, the long awaited visual diary of my summer holiday to Singapore and Malaysia – well, at least I’ve been waiting. Heh.

So during my break from university lectures and tedious readings and assignments and exams, and after a disgustingly disappointing semester, I worked for more dough and spent lavishly on my trip to Singapore and Malaysia.

But before I go on about my 20/10 holiday, here’s a little background:

My family moved from Sydney to Singapore when I was 10 years old. I finished primary school; started formally studying my mother tongue; went to Secondary school; played basketball; scored an ‘A2’ for Higher Chinese in the ‘O’ Level Examinations; continued on to Junior College; I was touch rugby captain; and went to Vietnam for a volunteering trip as Community Director of my team. But that’s just skimming over major events through my education. The 8 years I spent growing up in Singapore were the best years of my life – it’s shaped the woman I am today and instilled in me values and qualities that I feel I could never have gained anywhere else. Those 8 years were priceless; rich in experience, struggles and challenges. Most importantly, I’ve had the luck and privilege of meeting lifelong friends that I thank God for everyday that they choose to stay and stick by me.

Sadly, my time there was cut short and, as you could imagine, I was anything but willing to leave. I’d been looking forward to this trip for 2 years – since the last time I visited – and the day finally came for me to return to the little red dot I call my second home.

Stepping foot on Singapore soil reminded me once more how homely this place was to me – and how dearly I missed this second home of mine. Boy, did I forget how humid it is in Singapore – I never used to complain about it as much when I was living there, but this was next level humidity.

My flight landed earlier than scheduled and so when I came out of the arrival hall, I watched as my friend Vivienne arrived at the airport unaware of my early touchdown. She was on her tiptoes, eagerly peering through the glass and anticipating my arrival. She always brings with her 2 large takeaway cups of my all-time favourite bubble tea from Koi – one for me, and one for my brother. I sneak up behind her and she gets the biggest surprise; and as I give her the biggest hug, I realise just how long it’s been since we last saw each other. I take the first sip of my drink and I immediately go, “this is what I’ve missed.”

Returning to a place that holds so many of my memories allowed me to reminisce and revisit the experiences I missed – although a little different from the past. It has also allowed me to create new memories and make some realisations along the way – which I’ll be sharing over the course of these part-by-part visual diaries.

An oddly familiar displacement:

It’s an incredibly surreal feeling being back in Singapore. It’s not completely foreign, but I’m having to relearn and adjust (I forgot how humid it is here). Having two places to call home and be strongly attached to is quite confusing at times – but I’m looking forward to the next month and a half and making the most of the time I have with my loved ones.

Catching up with friends was my number one priority – and so that’s what I did. From the night I arrived till the day I left, I made sure I had my schedule filled so I could see as many people as possible, and spend as much time with them as I could. If I could be outside – or anywhere at all – with my friends, that’s where I would have been – which meant I virtually spent very little time at home. Of course I was tired, but at the same time I was happily tired. I’d like to think that I savoured every minute, treasuring the little time my friends and I shared having fun and catching up. We didn’t have to go anywhere fancy or do anything special. I was more than happy to just grab some food, sit and talk – in fact, that’s all I really wanted to do. You see: being miles away from my closest friends has made it hard for us to always be connected and constantly in the loop with each other’s lives. Video calls and messages don’t come anywhere near physical presence and face-to-face interaction. I always wish I had them here with me – to help and to hold me, and to share my happiness with and be my company.

It was a very surreal feeling to be back – at times I couldn’t really believe I was where I was; at times it hadn’t felt like I had been away for the past 2 years. Everything was second nature to me. The familiarity was definitely there. And it felt good, but still very surreal.

I still remember my trip to Singapore over 2 years ago: when I first saw my friends again and couldn’t help but cry (cc: Yunwei), or start to well up inside. I’d feel overwhelmingly excited and a little bit nervous to see them again, and then I realise quite subconsciously just how much I miss these people. We would just be sitting around a table having lunch, or walking around shops, or taking the bus together, but I would always be momentarily drawn away by my thoughts. It would dawn on me that I wouldn’t share a meal with them, or go shopping with them, or talk to them in person for some indefinite period of time, and I’d go quiet and teary again.

This past week I’ve realised this:

That sometimes you don’t know how much you’ve missed someone until time and distance separates you – and when you finally reunite, there’s a surge of overwhelming emotion and you can’t help but hug them tight a few more times.

It was a really real and genuine moment. I was doing some shopping in the city and I catch a glimpse of my friend whom I have yet to see since getting back. When I realise it’s him, I tap him on the shoulder and hug him so tightly. I started crying. When I let go, I had to hug him again, and again. I missed him tremendously. His name is Chaihao and it was his 21st birthday yesterday. Happy birthday again, love you xx